Anyone getting married should read this so that they start the marriage off right.
My husband JC and I have been married for over 20 years and have four kids (ages 30, 28, 18, and 16), so we’ve been through it all. Additionally, my parents had been married almost 50 years at the time of my father’s death, and my grandparents had been married over 54 years at the time of my grandmother’s death. I’ve had the blessing of getting really great advice for years and now I’m adding a few of my own things (that are more modern – like cell phones LOL). I sincerely hope that this helps anyone that reads it to have a better idea of how your marriage can last!
Tips 1-5
Laughter is King!
One of the biggest reasons I married my husband (besides the fact that he cooks and was a firefighter) was because he makes me laugh. Even in the darkest times and the hardest struggles with each other and in life, our laughter together had made it easier.
Know that your husband is a man. Since you are a women, you will NEVER think alike.
Just knowing this helps me to know why he makes stupid decisions (lol). Men tend to want to walk away and think it through and come back to apologize, while women tend to want to talk things to death!
Even when you are mad at your husband, love him even in that moment (fyi – this is very hard!)
Even when I dislike my husband intently (i.e., he spends a fortune on the 15th fishing pole, etc.). I choose to love him even when I’d rather choke him. In choosing to love him, the dislike fades from that moment.
Always answer the phone when your husband/wife is calling.
This isn’t easy. My husband will call me even when I’ve told him I’m taking our daughter to the doctor. Clearly I can’t answer the phone in the waiting area of the doctor’s appointment. But I will go outside, answer with “honey, you know I’m at the doctor’s office”. Then he’ll apologize and tell me the very unimportant thing that he had to tell me about. But this way, I’ll know he will call me even when I call at an inconvenient time. The only two times we won’t is if we are driving or in church. BONUS TIP: When possible, try to keep your phone off when you’re together with your spouse
Make time together a priority.
Always plan for a “date night” without the kids. This enables you to have uninterrupted time with each other and to catch up through the busy week. Sometimes our date night is going grocery shopping if we have a busy week. It still strengthens the relationship!
Tips 6-10
Surround yourself with friends who are positive and support your relationship.
When you are surrounded by positive people and people that support your relationship, you won’t have negative views or people who take every opportunity to tear you and your relationship down. Over the years, we have stopped hanging out with people who didn’t fit this and it strengthened our relationship!
Pick your battles!
There is never a winner and a loser and sometimes fights are over being heard and not just being right. Don’t argue over everything, only argue over the things that really matter to you.
When he’s down, you be strong and when you’re down, he should be strong.
From the beginning, my husband and I do this for each other. We got this advice from our grandparents and parents. My husband even 20 years later, when I’m worried will say, “It’s going to be o.k.” Even if I don’t believe him, sometimes just his saying so will enable me to take a deep breath.
The bedroom is very important to a marriage. Don’t take arguments into it and make it a priority.
It takes more than sex to build a strong marriage, but it’s nearly impossible to build a strong marriage without it.
Remember that marriage isn’t 50/50 — divorce is 50/50.
It’s normal for each person in the marriage gives more than the other and different times. When a person in the marriage feels like they are always giving more, problems will happen. But if you both strive to give 100% at all times, you are always going to get through.
Tips 11-15
Life is not greener on the other side
When you are struggling, everyone else’s marriage will look better than yours. But, you don’t see the other couples struggles or private troubles and issues. Stop looking outward and what you may be missing and look inward to what you have.
Always put your husband first!
My mom and dad taught me this one. They always put each other over my brother and I. Now don’t get me wrong, our needs came first (food, clothing, love, etc.) but they showed it and told us that they were first to each other and my brother and I came first. My mom always said, we will raise you to be good citizens, but then you’ll leave to live a life of your own and we will be left with each other. If we don’t put each other first, we won’t have anything left of our marriage when you kids leave home. This is a big secret to a long marriage.
Don’t keep secrets from each other.
This is really important — even if you lie about little things like purchasing those amazing shoes, that can lead to biggers things because you’ll make a habit of lying. Remember that secrecy is the enemy of intimacy and lies break trust, and trust is the foundation of a strong marriage.
Model the kind of marriage that will make your sons want to grow up to be good husbands, and your daughters want to grow up to be good wives.
This is so true and you’ll see the rewards of this when you children get married and pick amazing spouses. I’ve been fortunate enough to see this in my older children and it’s such a blessing!
Never consider divorce as an option.
Never ever say “fine, then let’s get a divorce”. Even though it’s an instant way to let him know you are unhappy, you may hear back, “ok – let’s do that” one day. If you don’t make it an option from the beginning, you will instantly find ways to work around or through arguments and issues because there is no easy way out.
Tips 16-18
Never talk badly about your spouse to other people or vent about them online.
I’ve seen this time and time again with friends. They talk to everyone about how bad their spouse is or how he did something “unforgivable” and over time that erodes the trust and love and eventually negative people will encourage them to leave and they divorce. Always be your spouse’s biggest cheerleader, even when you don’t particularly like then in the moment. They are the one you chose and you need to choose how to support and love them, not bash them.
Always wear your wedding ring.
It’s a sign to others that you are married and a sign to your spouse that you love him. I’ve even had friends who tended to lose their ring after taking it off to wash hand and such, tattoo a ring on their finger – now that’s commitment.
When you have to choose between saying nothing or saying something mean to your spouse, say nothing every time.
BITE your tongue! That’s how you handle nit picking or bitching at your spouse. Be creative when you want to do so, and find something nice to say instead. It’s not easy but that’s the commitment you made the day you got married. Griping about shortcomings or injustices on a regular bases to your spouse over time will tear him down and make him insecure. It will also do the same to your marriage.
My Family in 2017
I am not perfect. And, neither is my marriage or my husband , but we do work day in and day out on each of these tips to strengthen our marriage. I wish you the same success in your marriage!!
Jen Vazquez Photography Wins 2018 Two Bright Lights Editors’ Choice Award
Thanks in part to my phenomenal clients and my commitment to producing exceptional wedding photography, I am honored to announce that I have been selected as a winner of a 2018 Two Bright Lights Editors’ Choice Award!
This award is a celebration of Two Bright Lights members whose number of published features in 2017 put them among the top 1% of the community. Editors’ Choice winners were published across many of the most respected lifestyle, wedding and other print and digital publications in the United States and worldwide.
It is a great distinction to be recognized alongside this group of talented photographers and creative professionals. Over the past year, my features have given me the opportunity to increase exposure of my work and it is exciting to receive this award in recognition of my effort.
Thanks again to all of the other creative professionals who made these features possible!
See some of the publications that I’ve gotten here!
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Jen Vazquez Photography Honored for Excellence in 10th Annual WeddingWire Couples’ Choice AwardsⓇ
SAN JOSE, CA – January 10, 2018 – Jen Vazquez Photography today announced its recognition as a winner of the esteemed 2018 WeddingWire Couples’ Choice AwardⓇ for Wedding Photographer in San Francisco Bay Area.
WeddingWire Inc., the leading global online marketplace for the wedding and events industry, annually recognizes the top five percent of wedding professionals on WeddingWire who demonstrate excellence in quality, service, responsiveness and professionalism. The top local wedding professionals in more than 20 service categories from venues to florists are awarded the prestigious accolade.
Jen Vazquez Photography was recognized as a recipient solely based on reviews from newlyweds and their experiences working with them. Award-winning vendors are distinguished for the quality, quantity, consistency and timeliness of the reviews they have received from their past clients.
“This is the tenth year we’ve celebrated our top-rated vendors who have helped millions of couples celebrate one of the most important days of their lives,” said Timothy Chi, CEO, WeddingWire. “This group of dedicated and acclaimed wedding professionals, such as Jen Vazquez Photography, not only make wedding planning simpler for engaged couples, but also serve as a trusted partner in helping to make WeddingWire the go-to place for wedding planning. We congratulate all of this year’s winners on their achievement.”
Jen Vazquez Photography is thrilled to be one of the top wedding photographers in the San Francisco Bay Area on WeddingWire.com.
For more information about Jen Vazquez Photography, please visit us at https://www.weddingwire.com/jenvazquezphotography.
Jen Vazquez Photography specializes in vibrant, elegant and genuine wedding and engagement photography in California and beyond.
About WeddingWire, Inc.
WeddingWire, Inc. is the leading global online marketplace connecting consumers with event and creative professionals. Operating within a $200 billion industry, WeddingWire, Inc. hosts 10 million monthly unique users across its mobile and web platforms. Consumers are able to read over 3 million vendor reviews and search, compare and book from a database of over 400,000 businesses. Globally, it provides these businesses the technology they need to serve their clients through advertising, marketing and business management tools such as websites, payment processing, invoicing and contracts. Founded in 2007, the WeddingWire portfolio of sites serves couples and businesses across 15 countries in North America, Latin America, Europe and Asia, making it the worldwide leader in weddings with brands including Bodas.net, Casamentos.com.br, Matrimonio.com and more. The company employs more than 900 and maintains global headquarters in Chevy Chase, MD and international headquarters in Barcelona, Spain.
I am so inspired by Jasmine Star. She is one of the (if not THE) Best Wedding Photographer in the world.
Her qualities are many!:
She is real: Her motto of KIR or Keep It Real is a mantra she truly seems to live and work by. She shares herself wholey and her ability to not hold back helps to inspire and teach photographers.
She has an upbeat positive energy:I believe this is so important in life but it helps to create really beautiful images of people engaged. She helps people to open up so Jasmine can capture their love on film
She believes that customer service is emparative: From her past work with Nordstrom, she’s said that they taught her the personal thank you note and doing what’s right for your customer. Because she provides such a full customer experience, they are inclined to share their experience which boosts her business as it creates evangelists.
She cares:She truly cares. I could see and hear it in training videos and podcasts, but to meet her in person and have her look into your eyes and truly hear you (not just listen) was amazing. I could feel her empathy.
I was searching over the last couple of months to see if Jasmine was having any kind of speaking engagements or workshops, even in Southern California (about 6 hours away from the San Francisco Bay Area where I live). I was so excited when I saw a commercial about her upcoming class on CreativeLive. I couldn’t believe my luck when I was accepted out of hundreds, thousands, millions or billions =} of people who filled out the request.
I have learned more from her in the past several lessons in her The Complete Wedding Photographer Experience class through CreativeLive, than in the last few years. I can honestly say that I have 2 pages of actionable items that will not only improve my photography or business, but how I present my brand and extend my personality into it.
I feel more confident, motivated and ready to move forward and be a better photographer!
Thank youCreativeLive Thank you to all my co-students (from all over the world that attended in person and online) THANK YOUJasmine Star for everything!
And don’t forget! As Jasmine always says, ” KIR (Keep It Real)!”
My 2015 New Year’s resolution is Family First! With the New Year comes all the talk about New Year’s resolutions. I usually pick something that I want to NOT do anymore (like no candy). This year I’ve decided that being in the moment with my family is my New Year’s resolution.
As a mother of kids ages 26 down to 12, I’m well aware of how quickly kids grow up and how little time we truly have with them. In 2015, I’m going to look at ways that I can connect more. Distractions and outside commitments seem to always get in the way of being “in the moment”. Here are 5 ways to connect more with your families in 2015. Enjoy!
1. No Cell Phones During Dinner
If your family is anything like mine, everyone has a cell phone. It’s like a hand to my teens, they go nowhere without it. As a family, we have decided that cell phones are no longer allowed at the dinner table. It’s amazing how much more I learn about my children – their likes and dislikes, friends, and school happenings, when they aren’t tethered to their electronic devices.
2. Family Meals
We have so many outside commitments between school functions, football/cheer, and my adult children who live outside of our home that I have mandated a family meal (including my daughter’s fiancé and my son’s girlfriend) once a week. I also have my 12 and 14 year old help with the planning and preparing of this meal so they learn to plan for parties or cook for their family in the future. They also learn to follow recipes and it’s fun to try different things.
3. Family Game Night
When my older kids were young, my husband and I did a Family Game night once a week. It was so much fun and somehow we stopped doing this over the years. We will now doing this at our Family Meal night following dinner. Our family loves to play games, whether board games or xbox – we have a chance to connect with each other. Each of my children will take turns picking what we play once a week.
4. Ask Questions During Conversations
I have found lately that I have conversations with my kids and husband and days later won’t remember the conversation at all. I’m clearly not in the moment when I’m with them. I’m running my own business and always working on that but it’s no excuse and not what I want to look back on when I’m old and grey – well older and greyer! This year I am instituting a rule for myself. I will ask one question in every conversation I have with my children. It helps me to stay present and also enables them to expand on their thought and know I’m listening.
5. Stay active together
Even though my children are very active, we have three dogs and they need walks. This year I want to walk the dogs as a family a couple times a week, at a minimum. This is forced exercise for myself and also another way to connect with my family and help them with regular exercise, no matter what sport they are involved in during the year.
Do you have a 2015 resolution about family? Comment below!
I recently watched a training with a fantastic photographer named Sue Bryce on CreativeLive. She’s very knowledgeable and motivational, but most importantly, I enjoy listening to her as I laugh and am inspired all at once.
Today, she said the most amazing thing to everyone (and I imaged directly to me), “You need you to exist in photographs for your children!” and I was shocked! I was stopped in my tracks immediately as I had just heard my 24 year old daughter say, “Mom why are you in hardly any photographs in our family photo album?” I explained that I took the photos and rarely am in them. But, the fact is I always feel like I need to lose a weight or my hair wasn’t just right or my skin or my makeup wasn’t good.
The important thing is that your children want to see you when you were their mom when they were young. They connect to that. Think about it, you know you have a favorite picture with you mom or dad or grandparents that immediately pop into your head right now. I missed that opportunity…. until now.
Never again! I have vowed to take a minimum of 1 professional family photo, that I’m in, each year and to consciously be in at least two photos at each family event/dinner/get together. This means I will work hard at my health and weight and to take care to do my hair and makeup before each of these event, because I matter, if only to my children.
My children and my grandchildren deserve to be able to look back on these pictures to share them with their children or grandchildren in the future, even when I’m not around. They won’t care if I’m fat or not feeling good, but they will see my smile because I’m always smiling when I’m with my family and that’s how I’ve decided to be remembered.
