Top Tips to Survive the First Year of Marriage and Beyond!
There are many tips on surviving the first year of marriage but these are the tips that I personally found helpful. This from a married women of almost 20 years. It’s not easy but so rewarding. Congratulations on getting married. Here are the tips:
Don’t go to bed mad! You’ll hear this a lot but it’s truly important. Hash it out before you go to sleep. You’ll get more sleep instead of tossing and turning with anger. You also don’t want to start the habit of burying frustration that will eventually get tossed back in your face or his later over the next months or years.
Don’t threaten! “It’s not going to work” or “I don’t want to be married to you” or the worst “I want a divorce”. You don’t want those words to be hanging in the air. You also hurt each other’s hearts in a way that hard to forget. That type of arguing will also become a habit.
Don’t Blow Up! Before blowing up when they do something or say something stupid, mentally count to 10 or think for a long minute by putting yourself in their shoes. How can they be feeling this way, did you perhaps do or say something that could have offended them? Even if you disagree, at a minimum give them the benefit of knowing how they feel. You saying “you shouldn’t feel like that” will never work. I’ve found over the years that taking that beat or minute helps me to get over the immediate hurt feeling that I would end up lashing out at my husband. Finding some compassion for the person that you chose to be married to and is your best friend helps. It definitely makes send that we would give the benefit of the doubt to our spouse and treat him/her better than we treat strangers.
Treat your spouse as if they could die tomorrow! This sounds very harsh and an obviously horrible thought to think but the fact is, would you want your last argument be the last words that they hear your say? It certainly helps you put a little argument into perspective. In the heat of the moment, just think this thought and it will definitely take the sting our of your hurt feelings. Here’s another way to look at it. Would we argue or say the things we say in an argument if our in-law’s or grandparents were standing there? In other words, bite your tongue.
You and your spouse are different! The author of “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” sold millions of books for a reason. Men typically want to chill out and do nothing and NOT talk when they get home from work. Most women typically want to talk through their day. They CRAVE communication and validation. I find that when each person thinks about this, it helps to give just a bit of what the other wants.
Talk about having children! Talk about when you plan on doing that or not. Ideally you should do this before you get married but definitely as soon as possible, so that you both are on the same page. If you want to wait until your careers are at a certain point but they want to start right away, you’ll want to find a compromise sooner rather than later. Be honest with each other. If you tell them want you know they want to hear they will be very frustrated and it may lead to some serious arguments or worse.
Say you are sorry! and you don’t have to lie. You can be sorry that your behavior made them feel a certain way and open a dialog for how to handle the situation moving forward. Bottom line, be empathetic.
Make sure to keep dating! Even if it’s going to dinner or a movie or even a drive. Take some time away from friends, family and even kids to reconnect and remind eachother why you fell in love.
LAUGH! Giggle! Tickle each other till you pee your pants. Have fun. Life is hard. Living with someone is hard. If you don’t have fun and enjoy yourself, what’s the point?