Top Tips for the Mother of the Groom
Today my son is getting married. Cue the confetti and horn blowers!! It’s a very exciting time but also not as easy to navigate as a mother of the groom. Being a mother of the groom is very different than being a mother of the bride.
My daughter got married a few years ago and it seemed like I was involved in every detail with advice or physical help. With my son, it’s a different experience. It’s not better or worse – just different. I thought it may be helpful to create a list of the best tips for mothers of the grooms. It an also be helpful for brides on how to include your future mother-in-law.
I am a A type personality who plans things within an inch of their lives (yes I’m a bit of a control freak). But I knew that my place was in helping when asked.
These are the top tips that helped me through the planning process:
- Let your future daughter-in-law know that you are happy to help in any area: This doesn’t mean giving her advice or telling her what should be done. While your son is getting married, this is truly a big deal for the bride and her mother. Know your place, while still offering to help.
- Give advice ONLY when asked: Even if you have the best advice on earth, it’s only truly helpful if or when she asks your opinion. You may want to sit somewhere specific or want to wear a specific color or be involved in the ceremony in a special way. But the bride has a vision of what she and your son want and it’s their job to create that vision. Your job is to be flexible and to fit into their vision.
- Be gracious: If your future daughter-in-law asks your opinion or for help, don’t just take over. Ask questions on how she wants something done or what specifically she wants to know. And above all, thank her for asking or including you. The more gracious you are, the more involved she’ll let you be.
- Compliment her when you like something: If she does something that you think is beautiful/perfect/thoughtful, let her know. She may be worried about including you or what you think, so speak up when something goes well or looks pretty. Telling her will encourage her and help to build your relationship aside from your son.
- Keep your mouth shut: I know this sounds harsh but it’s true. When you don’t like something or feel something isn’t what your son will like, don’t say a word. This is the couple’s opportunity to learn about each other and how to work together. This helps their future relationship. The worst thing you could do (even if you truly think you’re helping) is to tell her. (OR HIM). The fact is your son may have changed or may now like what she’s doing or knows it’s important to her. Your saying something will just put a strain on everyone. They are grown ups and will be making decisions without your input moving forward (unless they ask). The more you speak up, the less they’ll ask your opinion.
I’m very fortunate that I love my daughter-in-law and thinks she’s a match for my son. If that wasn’t the case, I’d following my own advice – as I want to be close with my son. The quickest way for that to change is to give my two cents.
I hope these tips help. If you have another tip, comment below.